I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
