piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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