I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
