Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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