At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Redeem this text for a blowjob
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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