don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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