I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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