Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
