the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
