I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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