covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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