oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize