i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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