Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
