Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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