I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
