Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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