I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Randomize
