She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
