i think my mom watched the whole time
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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