wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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