how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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