2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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