i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
