does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
