it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
