im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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