so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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