i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
