I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
