bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Randomize
