Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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