3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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