If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
