and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
