My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
