Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
