what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
