Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
