What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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