just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my shit smells like andre
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
