and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
