Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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