I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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