i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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