This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
