Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
NoShamevember. You game?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
