She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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