M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
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I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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