I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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