If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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