mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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