I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
