it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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