There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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