I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
