If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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