Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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