Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
