i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
