you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
