I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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