I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
