i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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