If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
