I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
3 2 1 whiskey
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
