Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
