Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
