Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
