It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
where are you?
Hypothermia
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
