No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
