hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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