What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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