I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
