I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
