I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
