I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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