Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
