So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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