Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
