Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
