you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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