the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
